I thought it was time for an update on where my life is at right now.
I’m not sure if this happens to anyone else, but I make plans, have goals I want to achieve and then when I start putting plans into action and working towards those goals, the universe throws life in the way and that halts or significantly changes all my plans! Surely others experience this?
I hope I’m not the only one.
So what have been my life hopes, plans and aspirations this year so far? Let’s review…
Become a mum.
That’s my aspiration every year. Every year since I was 19 that’s been my goal. Now that I’m 30 and still don’t have a child… well it’s not a nice feeling. IVF has previously been out of our financial scope. You can’t build a business, funnel everything into that dream AND have loads of spare cash floating around. That’s not how life works.
However, I found a Fertility Clinic that, if you were earning a low wage, you could qualify for heavily discounted IVF! WELL!!! How excited was I? Potentially going from $2,ooo per cycle to $300 per cycle! I mean, we were going to go make a baby!
Then they advised me that my husband could not be present for the egg extraction or the implantation… I left the office in tears I can assure you and I cried all afternoon. I realize many women would be happy and comfortable going ahead without someone present, but the extraction means sedation etc. and I refuse to undergo a procedure where I am unable to advocate on my own behalf AND the service won’t allow someone I trust to be present.
That service has refused. So I am still without a baby/child. But life goes on.
Finally become a Foster Carer
I wrote about this in another post titled Road to Caring.
We both went and did the training weekend and it was great. I completed my homework, had all the personal reflections done (it takes HOURS to get through the homework). I was prepared to take in up to 2 children of primary school age, etc.
Unfortunately, my husband didn’t get in and do his homework and reflections. Not because he didn’t want to, he did, but it takes hours upon hours to complete the homework and the personal reflection (about your family, your history, etc) take even longer. With him busily running a company, growing and expanding into a new region… well he just simply didn’t have the time.
In the end I took it as a sign. If he doesn’t have the time/capacity to complete the homework/reflections, will he be able to commit to 2 children in need of therapeutic care? Probably not. I handed back the work we had completed and advised we wouldn’t be able to progress at this time.
Another plan/goal crushed for the year.
Moving house, selling a house, buying a house
So, not that long ago I was so excited to be moving house! If you remember, we had been approved for a great new house to rent, paid the bond and first several weeks of rent, etc. We had packed up the house and were ready to get a truck and move.
WELL! The DAY BEFORE we were due to move, the home owners CHANGED THEIR MINDS! Instead they wanted family members to move in. They refused to provide us keys. Refused to let us move in.
We were nearly homeless. I don’t care if I have to be homeless… but we have the dogs?! For a terrifying 24 hours I 100% thought I was going to have to put my dogs to sleep.
Thankfully the house we were living in had not yet rented to someone else and we were able to stay here another 6 months.
Only now they want to sell it… *sigh* and we can’t afford to buy it. We have to try and sell our other property (at a loss) so we might be able to buy something.
Working in the company
It’s sad, but I am simply not enjoying working in the company. It’s not my passion. Service desk and customer service calls… I’d rather be working with children, in the human services industry or something.
So I have recently made the decision to find a job outside the family business. That’s a bit daunting, but I’m not happy which in turn means I’m not being productive, which is bad for business.
Learning to Do Islam
So many changes and upheavals have had another sad impact. I don’t have Friday’s free.
I just can’t get away from work consistently. It has been WEEKS since I’ve been able to attend Friday prayers.
I know people say you need to make time for the things that are important, but when 100 things are important… something somewhere has to give. And while I really want to learn more, I have to prioritize living, earning and paying the rent over learning more about Islam.
Not all doom and gloom
It’s not all bad though.
I have a lovely home to live in at the moment, with a beautiful outdoor space.
I have a phone interview this afternoon for a potential job and there are several jobs popping up every other day that I can apply for.
Things are tough, but one day they will get better.